Wednesday, June 26, 2013

People Think This Movie Is Sickening!!

Dave Disorda's                            PARANOIA-RAMA             

you been hypnotied!

The Lord of the Rings, the trilogy of movies that seemed to contain every detail that the novels did, was not my favorites series of cinematic sizzlers. I waited  like, ten years, until it was offered on DVD, before I even thought I might think of maybe thinking I might even dream of wanting to take a look at these films. But I had a child that wanted to see that stuff. So, I watched as much of the three films as I could. But I never felt nauseous about any of it.

Nowadays, 3-D movies are all the rage. The special glasses that must be worn aren't like the silly ones we used to have to wear. They look like something you'd buy at Lenscrafters, if you had bad taste in eyewear. But they look feasible.

But what's this? Looks like there is an element of nausea, after all! So, buy some popcorn, in case you need to hurl into a box all of a sudden.


Monday, June 24, 2013

" ...So I Bit Him..."

Shark Eat Shark World

When the movie JAWS hit movie theaters back in the summer of whenever the hell it was, it had a profound effect on people's perceived awareness of the dangers of sharks. It was a brilliant spectacle of frightful encounters with these beastly eating-machines of the sea. It was just a movie, but it made getting eaten by a shark seem terribly inconvenient and deadly. It took a little zip out of everyones' day at the beach.

People stayed out of the water because of a horror movie. Though presented as fiction, we are faced with nature's beauty, as it is torn to shreds and devoured along with more than a few cured cases of bravado

It was a few summers after the Jaws Effect had first set in. I was about 18 years old, and had drifted past a pier that was stapled to the jagged coast of North Carolina. Specifically, it was Atlantic Beach, back in its hey-day. The beach actually looked like a slum beach at one point. I remember thinking how strange it was that a beach could sort of be avoided; not preferred. Well... it was a number of bad luck strikes. The only amusement park, with the roller-coaster, folded. Then the go-cart--gas powered demon buggies--were gone. The arcades died one by one, and the five or so big restaurants slipped away slowly. There was a greasy-looking hot dog stand type structure remaining only as the last vestige of indulgence. But it was actually a decent cure for the good old munchies. The place has since recovered, and is doing as poorly as the rest of us.

I was out there about 100 yards, just past the end of the Atlantic Beach fishing pier. I was on a 3 man inflatable raft of pretty good quality, and had one hand over the side, as I sunned in the rather roomy rubber boat. If I recall, that raft was about 100 bucks--a lot for back then. I was either a little drunk, a little high, or a little of both, most likely--though it cannot be recalled. 

I had sort of thought about sharks, but i was a stoned young adult in the ocean by a pier. i didn't really give much of a shit, piss, or fu#ck. Then I glanced down into the water at one point and was startled to see a barracuda, about the length, if not more so, than the raft i was in. Barracudas are also known to be a bit beastly, as far as fish go. Had my hand been in the water, it may have wound up being sampled by the scary fish. But then, i blinked, and it was gone!  didn't see it flinch, and it took off like a nuclear sea-beast, or something. Although I have no particular phobia, simce I have a little of all of them--having a hand eaten by a barracuda is one of my official creepy scary things. A personal "really could happen, almost did" kind of story.

Many stories that involve fish feature a fish that, amazingly, grows longer and larger each time it is retold, the story, i mean. But my barracuda can't grow, because the raft is the reference point for how long the fish was. that would about 4.5 feet. Okay, so maybe it grew about six inches.



Sunday, June 23, 2013

VARIOUS "DRAMA-RAMAS"

What exactly is a "PARANOIA-RAMA"?
When there is an over-abundance of something--good, or bad--adding the suffix "rama", is my way of indicating such a situation. A saturation situation, so-to-speak. 

In The Free Dictionary, online, I lifted the following:

-orama or -ama or -arama or -rama,
a combining form extracted from panorama, diorama, or cyclorama, occurring as the final element in coinages that denote a display or spectacle, or the space, as a store or hall, containing it:audiorama;scoutorama;smellorama.


And there it is. I might clarify that I'm not referencing literal paranoia. "Paranoid" is a term that people use, quite often, to dismiss or invalidate a statement, concern, or worry of another person. And we will even use the word inwardly: " Silly me, I am just being paranoid", as some element of self-reassurance. 

So my use of  the "paranoia" angle is just an exaggeration of basic, good old down-to-earth fear. Paranoia-Rama is a collection of the myriad of things we are afraid of, worry about, or feel anxious about. It's a very broad range of topics. Perhaps a bit too broad... I fear.




Sunday, June 16, 2013

Fear Rears Its Ugly Rear


PARANOIA-RAMA

                                                    Mar 25 2012  triple planet triangle

Paranoia Parody: 

Dear Super Spy Department:
Due to an undisclosed report-- 
As disclosed in this report--

Additionally:

To whom it may overly-concern:

I wish to request copies of any photographic images, charts, measurements and associated documents and files; any remarkable evidence of possible, yet unlikely health concerns;  with respect to--and for--my rectum. 

Due to my                , I feel your department might most successfully provide verification of the absence of sunlight. A possible health concern is neither probable or likely. 

Due to a deficit of self-confidence, I am going to redact a portion of the first sentence of the preceding paragraph. There is a perfectly constructed "reason" for this redaction. Unfortunately, any narrative providing the explanation would likewise require redaction.

Please search any database, utilizing tags, or keywords associated with my (admittedly worth a look) posterior region, to include any reference or other text, esp. anything particularly shitty, which might be recovered by looking up my ass, and result inembarrassment, guilty-thoughts, or the sort of stuff that my ass itch. 

By the way, please cease and desist your comprehensive                      of my nether-regions. You have given new meaning to the the concept of looking up old friends. As well, please feel free to take a glance or two at the content of our nation's Constitution. You might be surprised to realize the extent of your department'scollective intellectual shortcomings. 

Keep up the good work, you have a terrible job, but I commend you on technical merit.

Yours Truly
You-Know-Who, I reckon.